Starting Over

I realized last night that neither of us have lived in any house/apartment more than two years since we left home for college.  J has lived in nine different apartments/houses, in five different towns.  I've lived in seven places, in five different towns.

That's a little exhausting.

You'd think we'd be experts with moving by now, and that I would be used to starting over again.  It's still difficult.  J adjusts much more easily than I do, or at least as far as I can tell.  I have a harder time, usually.

This move hasn't been very difficult as far as adjusting, and I think that is because the Lord gave us time to prepare ourselves, and when J had his accident, everything else seemed pretty insignificant.

The Lord is really taking care of us.

I've been feeling frustrated about starting over in some ways, because it's difficult to get things set up again.  I won't elaborate on that, because it's small and silly things.  Yet, it's discouraging to me.  I know it's the devil trying to get me down.

I  have to fight, and have faith.

Sometimes it's easier for me to have faith in the bigger things, than it is in the smaller things.  I'm not sure why. If I trust the Lord to take care of all of the big things, such as moving us to a new home, giving J a good job, etc, then I should trust Him to take care of the little details, shouldn't I?  Silly Jennifer.

I even heard before that when we complain, it's because we aren't trusting the Lord to take care of whatever we're upset about.  Deep down I know He will take care of things, but I do complain.  If I really believe He is in control of even the smallest things, then I need to push away those complaints and know His ways and timing are best.  It's really hard, though.

Before we moved, we were excited about selling the house, and paying off some things.  That all changed of course, when J had his accident.  We knew medical bills would come rolling in.  We may have to replace broken furniture, pay for the truck damage, etc.  We tried to push those fears away though, because we knew we were doing what the Lord wanted.  He would take care of us.  He always does.  It was still difficult for me, emotionally, but I always knew the Lord would provide.

A couple of weeks ago, the bills began to roll in.  Would you believe that the very same day we received a large bill, we also received a large check to cover our damaged items??  If that check had arrived a day earlier, it might have been a little disappointing to see it all leave when the bill arrived.  If the check had arrived a day later, it would have been harder to see the large bill.  His timing is perfect.

He's provided SO much for us in every way.  Yet, I still get angry when things don't work out the way I think they should.  We can't see everything that He's doing, but we can trust that He knows what is best, and will take care of things.

I remember reading an illustration of how we see things, compared to how the Lord sees things.  I think of this example often, because it makes sense.

When I was a little boy, my mother used to embroider a great deal. I would sit at her knee and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She informed me that she was embroidering. I told her that it looked like a mess from where I was. As from the underside I watched her work within the boundaries of the little round hoop that she held in her hand, I complained to her that it sure looked messy from where I sat. She would smile at me, look down and gently say, "My son, you go about your playing for awhile, and when I am finished with my embroidering, I will put you on my knee and let you see it from my side." I would wonder why she was using some dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from my view.

A few minutes would pass and then I would hear Mother's voice say, "Son, come and sit on my knee." This I did only to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or a sunset. I could not believe it, because from underneath it looked so messy. Then Mother would say to me, "My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a pre-drawn plan on the top. It was a design. I was only following it. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing."

Many times through the years I have looked up to my Heavenly Father and said, "Father, what are You doing?" He has answered, "I am embroidering your life." I say, "But it looks like a mess to me. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can't they all be bright?" The Father seems to tell me, "'My child, you go about your business of doing My business, and one day I will bring you to Heaven and put you on My knee and you will see the plan from My side."

Author Unknown

Something to keep in mind.  He's taking care of us.